Snowbows and Signs

So I realized something tonight and while the date that this will actually happen is still two weeks away, the Lord has put it so heavy on my heart, there is no chance I am sleeping before I write.

As most everyone reading this knows, my sweet son Will was taken from this Earth way to early. He left this Earth two days shy of his 5 month birthday to be exact. I hate looking at pictures from the hospital, but I will share one here. This is me and my sweet baby about a day and a half before he passed. That story is not the one that I am ready to share still about those final days. Some day I will put it into beautiful words, but not today.

Today, I will share with you how my Loving God has shown me that He was with me, He is with me, and He holds my son tight every night until we are together again.

So since Will was 2 days shy of 5 months when he passed, this is a "milestone" that is hard for me to approach and handle for each of my other children. There is no cute sticker picture for this day, there is just heartache and loss.

 

When we reached this "milestone" with Evan, God sent me the most amazing "sign". He sent me a snowbow. If you have read before you know that we use snowflakes as our symbol to remember Will and rainbow baby as our symbol for Evan. For a quick why, the snowflake is fragile and only here briefly, but has such beauty in that time, the rainbow is God's peace offering as the storm is ending that He is here and with us and will provide. A Snowbow is a Rainbow in a snow storm. They are unique and unusual to say the least, but that February morning, God put one over my house as He held us a little tighter that day. This is a picture of my house with the snowbow over it taken from my neighbors window.

I am still blown away by that perfect timing of our Creator, but of course, these are all things that I have know and could have easily gone to sleep tonight without typing about tonight. What has kept me up this evening is the realization of what God has yet again done in my life.

I was thinking about how the twins were quickly approaching this "milestone" day, but I hadn't really thought about what day on the physical calendar it would fall until this evening. Ready for it???

Two days before their 5 month birthday is my 7th wedding anniversary! Pretty amazing, huh? What a cool way for God to show me that it is all going to be okay and that he has a plan for my crazy life. I am a numbers person, I love signs, and "weird" facts like this and am so floored. You can choose to tell me that I am reading into things or even believe that everything happens by chance, but I choose to believe that God is showing me that my family is perfectly built the way God wanted it to be built. What an amazing hug from Heaven. An anniversary gift from the one who brought us together and gave us these wonderful children.

Now, don't get me wrong for one second, there have been MANY moments that I have cried out to God for taking my child, for not letting me have him longer on this Earth. There is a pain that won't ever go away. There is a part of me that is bitter that I will never have all of my children together on this Earth at one time.

I mentioned earlier being a numbers person, my brain just calculates everything in statistics and assigns numbers, I know I am strange, but if your brain doesn't work that way, this will probably make no sense to you. My whole life, growing up in a family of 3 kids, I always wanted to have an even number of children. I didn't want their to be a "middle" or an odd man out. I wanted my children to be able to pair up and fight it out. I now sit here with 4 children and never for one single day in my life with these 4 children have I had an even number of children in my house to raise and care for. I went from 1 to 1 to 3....see what I mean, God likes to mess with me. That is one of the many times that he has reminded me that this is his plan and I am simply along for the ride.

I always claim to be a Type A personality who likes to have it all planned out and in order, but I have become much more laid back when it comes to the large scheme of life because my Maker has shown me countless time and countless ways that He makes the plans here. I know it is a cliché saying, but my life is proof that it is true, " If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans!"

Again, I don't know why this was so heavy on my heart to put down in words tonight, but like most things that I have gone through in my life, I may not know why I am called to go through it, but I know that it is not by mistake and it is not without direction from someone who has it all figured out.